A friend—a first-time mother—recently shared a post on her WhatsApp status: ‘Parenting hack: There are no hacks. Everything is hard. These kids don’t listen. This is your life now. Godspeed.’
Parenting can be an overwhelming experience, especially for those new to the job. And, the pandemic is making it worse. Recently, in Boston, a group of exhausted mothers gathered at a high school football field to scream and rage into the dark, cold night. Parenting is a lot about learning on the go and dealing with its never-ending demands, especially during a pandemic, in your own way—some, like the friend, find comfort in funny posts and memes while some, like the Boston mothers, come together and scream.
That parenting hack post is not all true though. The internet itself is full of hacks, not all of which is useful. Everyone from grandparents and extended family to friends and well-wishers swears by a hack or two. But all that information overload can leave a parent confused and anxious. That’s where Dr Saroja Balan and her new book come in. A senior consultant neonatologist at Indraprastha Apollo Hospital, New Delhi, Balan has been fielding queries from parents and calming their nerves, sometimes even at 3am, for more than three decades. It’s Your Baby: The Indian Parent’s Guide to the First Two Years packs in all those years of medical expertise and her own experience at motherhood. She tackles everything from the word go—from inside the delivery room to taking the baby home and beyond. The book is divided into different sections, each dealing with a specific theme like sleep, breastfeeding, vaccinations and diseases, including the latest Covid-19. Each section features frequently asked questions, all of which Balan answers sans medical jargon, making it a cakewalk of a read. And, the cherry on the top—her recipes for the babies. In an email interview with THE WEEK, she talks about her writing process, parenting and, of course, Covid-19. Excerpts:
You were initially sceptical to write a book on parenting as there were already too many books on it. What do you think was lacking in the segment? And, do you think you have managed to fill that gap with this book?
When I finally consented to write a book on parenting, I strove to research the genre as much as I could, and I soon realised that there aren’t many books catering to Indian parents and their specific struggles. Naturally, I seized the opportunity to share with new parents what years of experience as a paediatrician have taught me. I hope to advise new parents on how to bring up their children and care for them during emergencies. I felt that this book needed to bust common myths, many of which I have had to dispel, and guide new parents, following which they would be free to heed the advice or disregard it. Like, how I treat the parents of my patients in my outpatient practice. It is my hope that this book answers most everyday questions, but conventions change in medicine frequently, so I shall try my best.
There is an easy flow in your writing as you move from one topic/illness to another. But writing didn’t come easy to you. How was the process like for you? What was the most challenging part about it?
Writing this book was harder than I imagined it would be. The first draft read more like the Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics than a parent-friendly guide to raising a child, although by the second draft I had managed to keep the unnecessary medical jargon to a minimum. Of course, I had to enlist the help of my youngest daughter for this. She pulled no punches with me, and I am very grateful for that.
When and how did you find the time to write? And how long did it take you to finish the book?
Initially, I didn’t think that I would have time to write, seeing as I was responsible for Apollo hospital’s neonatal ICU and outpatient clinic as well as my own private practice. Luckily, because of the pandemic, I had more time to myself, and I managed to churn out the entire book in four months. Although, to be very honest, typing out the whole thing was maddening because I mostly just jab at the keyboard with two fingers suspended mid-air, while I squint at the screen.
You have a section on babies and social media, which is very relevant in today’s times. But that is just one aspect that new-age parents have to deal with. How do you think parenting has changed in recent times?
More than social media, the rules regarding how much screen time is allowed have been bent ever since the pandemic began. Prior to this, we (paediatricians) were advocating for zero screen time for children under two. But with children at home and parents working remotely, we have relented a little. We would still like it to be as little as possible and ideally a parent should engage in this activity with their child so that what they are watching is meaningful. Parents can also make this process more interactive by explaining things to their children along the way.
We are seeing a lot of Covid-19 cases among children in this wave. Why do you think that is happening?
Children are getting Covid when there is an adult in the family with it. They are getting relatively mild illness, but we must be careful in case the child has comorbidities.
You have a section on Covid-19 in children, where you have discussed the disease and the precautions to be taken. Is there anything that parents should do differently, apart from observing the Covid-19 protocols, to keep their children safe?
The WHO, UNICEF and even the IAP [Indian Academy of Pediatrics] have always discussed that masking, social distancing and hand washing are the three pillars to fight the spread of this disease. Most children only need paracetamol and rest and hydration. Always speak to your paediatrician if you are worried and don’t start any medication on your own like an antibiotic from a previous prescription.
How has the pandemic impacted children?
School is essential for psychosocial development and enables children to grow into capable young adults. Mentally healthy children function well at home, in school, in their communities, and have a greater chance of leading a happy and successful life. Although the lockdown has been hard on us all, it has been especially hard for children who have had to continue their studies virtually. Isolating at home has proved detrimental to their physical and mental health, further evidencing the need for a return to pre-pandemic school routines. Grief, fear, social isolation, increased screen time and parental fatigue have negatively impacted the mental health of our children. It has become extremely difficult for parents to calm their children’s anxieties because of the stresses and uncertainties in their lives.
What can parents do to help children deal with the isolation?
It is not easy being a parent during these times, with all this talk about quarantine and social distancing, and relevant information changing constantly.
1. It is important that parents look after themselves first. Only then can they look after their children.
2. You need to check in with your children regularly in a calm manner to see how they are doing, especially if they are having classes online.
3. You can set out time to engage children in creative activities, storytelling and board games. These help them express their anxieties and fears in a stable environment. It is important that adults remain calm and manage their emotions well as children are very perceptive and pick up emotional cues from parents and teachers.
4. Children and adolescents should be encouraged to reach out to friends or a family member about their feelings and anxieties during this pandemic.
5. If a parent or teacher notices a vast and sudden change in the behaviour of a child that lasts for over a week, they should try and seek professional help. In younger children, it may be bed-wetting, clinging to parents, excessive thumb-sucking, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite and even withdrawal.
6. Older children may get very aggressive, have nightmares and poor concentration. Adolescents can exhibit hyperactivity, aggressive behaviour, have eating irregularities or disorders and increased conflicts with parents.