Book review: For racy 'Money, Sex and Power' tales, binge 'House of Dragon'; Bower's 'The House of Beckham' is a drag

"A really nice guy... in a profession of a***holes" 

A football journalist who followed Brazil's great Kaka's career once famously talked about the iconic midfielder. Openly God-fearing, charming and humble, Kaka was divorced by his childhood sweetheart after 10 years of marriage because "he was too perfect" a husband.

For author Tom Bower, the former Real Madrid star may seem like everything David Beckham never was, apart from being charming before the opposite sex, of course. His wife Victoria "Posh" Beckham's life would have been less miserable if the former England captain, who also donned Real's famous white shirt for years, had more in common with his Brazilian contemporary. 

"Repeatedly, Beckham's transgressions have been ignored by billions of football fans," he says in his latest, 'The House of Beckham: Money, Sex and Power.' The master investigative journalist and biographer he is, Bower should know that addiction, attitude and scandals are all common among football superstars. Most of them become super-rich from a young age, date supermodels and hold unthrifty parties. Roaming in private jets to meet kin, the sky is the limit for them -- literally. A guy like Kaka is the black sheep amongst them, not the other way. 

To begin the review of a book on a footballer by talking about another should get the message through. Promising fresh reveals into the much-canvassed life of the celebrity English couple, it falls flat. The man who has churned out life stories of Richard Branson, Jeremy Corbyn, Prince Charles and Boris Johnson among others, has now produced a weak, boring and at times childish.

'The House Of Beckham: Money, Sex And Power' is available in stands now

Try this. In this almost 400-page "revelations", Bower accuses Beckham of drinking Coca-Cola when being paid to promote Pepsi, taking a stroll down Manchester to enjoy public gaze and most diabolic of them all, claiming to have eaten fish fingers as a child "disputably" because "Neither Beckham nor his mother had ever mentioned him eating that particular food.”  Got a better way to explain this? Well, be my guest. 

And Bowers rarely say nice things about the couple. They are self-centred, image-obsessed, greedy and most of all mediocre talents, for most of the book. While Beckham is a tax-avoiding serial womaniser, Posh is a cunning parasite who keeps trying to rebrand herself using her husband's cult. Her addiction to fame means she needs to turn a blind eye towards his affairs and exploit his love for the children, Bowers claims. David Beckham was recruited to be part of the 'Galacticos' (During Florentino Perez's first term as president of Real Madrid, the club aggressively pursued a recruitment policy that prioritised the signing of superstars who were galactic talents) for his looks and marketing side... He was not at the same level as Roberto Carlos, Ronaldo Nazario or Luis Figo, Bowers argues. 

And his findings are all based on kilos of tabloid articles from the last three decades. Every gossip story ever published on the couple seems to have been quoted, serving no particular purpose. Their marriage is not perfect, we get it. But Bowers is in no mood to stop.  In the era of Google Advanced Search, the author stuffs the work with old tabloid headlines that got no better info than a basic Wiki article.

PR tragedies or sex scandals keep hitting the Beckhams in each chapter. Every 40-odd pages or so, Posh goes into troubleshooting mode by showing off their love for the public to see. Every time they hit a roadblock, she arranges for a photo shoot, holding hands LOL with her man in public. Bower tells you it was almost always a Sun photographer who was entrusted to save their marriage before the public. This becomes a repetitive pattern so much so that halfway into the book, you'd be able to tell when a photo stunt is imminent.

Beckham's deals in Madrid, Miami, Dubai and England are mentioned with monetary details running several pages. But even this is over-the-head financial details with too many numbers and signs for the average Spice Girls or Manchester United fan. Beckham hated paying taxes -- it is stated with painstaking recycling of reports available online. 

Bower should know that there are many interested in a tale of 'Money, Sex and Power.' But they are likely to trade 'House of Beckham' for 'House of Dragon.' Targaryans and their beastly rides would beat his redundant file of tabloid rehash any day.