Roya Heydari left Afghanistan with two laptops, two cameras and a heavy heart. From an active photojournalist in Kabul, Roya is now a refugee in Europe. Life has come a full circle for Roya as she starts a new life as a refugee, for the second time.
In between her documentation process, she worries for her parents and her sister who are still in Afghanistan. She shares that she was almost ready to return to Afghanistan after talking to her mother who broke down multiple times. “She told me she will never forgive me if I come back.” Torn between her love for motherland and freedom, Roya dreads the repeat of the dark chapters of her life as a refugee.
Roya grew up in a central asian country where she says she does not have any good memories as her family was subjected to discrimination. In 2003, Roya’s family returned to Afghanistan once an elected democratic government was in place. She says she loved coming back to people who spoke like her, understood her and also loved her family.
In a country ravaged by constant conflict and where patriarchal system still reigns, Roya charted a difficult path. She traveled to some of the most interior parts in the country and captured people, pain and landscapes through her lens. She has worked for well-known international media agencies, NGO’s and also foreign governments. At the same time, she has also been a vocal critic of the Taliban and it’s ideology, making her stay riskier in Afghanistan. She says that her she has only worked for peace in Afghanistan, like many other Afghans, but saw her world collapse and displace her within a few days which took her to Paris. “I still cannot believe it,” she said reacting to the turn of events in her life.
In a telephonic interview she talks about her viral post on social media, how she spent her last days in the country and what she plans to do for her country in the future.
Q. Why did you choose to leave Afghanistan?
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A. I didn't choose it. I was forced to leave. My parents just pushed me to leave, because they had the experience of what happened to people when they left Afghanistan. They were worried about me because I was working there as an activist and as a photojournalist. I posted a lot about Taliban and also talked about them. They were worried about me and asked me what if I get killed staying at home. They told me that if I want to be the voice of the people, I should go somewhere and come back whenever it gets normal. And I am waiting for that to happen.
Q. In your tweet, you said you left your whole life. Can you elaborate on what you meant?
A. The last 10 years were very challenging for me because I really worked hard for everything I had in my life in Kabul. I worked in bad situations. I travelled to provinces where many would not go. Not even other photographers. But, for my career, I accepted the risks and the politics while going and working there. I left my country and my identity. This is what broke me so hard. And then I also left my family, friends, home, and all the things I like. Now, here I am just with my camera and laptop.
Q. Did you expect this outcome?
A. When I was there, we never thought the war would get bigger. I never thought they could take Kabul, Herat or Mazar. I never thought for one second that the president would leave the country. I was always hopeful. When I was scared, I would tell myself that everything will change and we will win the war. We expected the president to do something for the people. On the day he left, we were destroyed.
Q. Can you narrate what happened in the last days of your stay in Afghanistan?
A. On a Saturday afternoon (August 14), I was in a cafe. There I saw the president’s interview. He said everything is under control. I was so happy then. Next day, I heard that the capital fell to the Taliban. I did not believe it because I had not seen them. That night I felt like we lost everything as I saw Taliban roaming near my house. In the next few days, we heard news about the Taliban beating and killing people. We were very scared. Around that time, I got an emergency call from the French embassy; I had done some projects for them. They said they can help me leave the country.
My photographer friend and I could not make it on the first day, even after waiting for 10 hours near the airport. Next day, an American friend helped us and we got inside a camp at the airport. After spending two days there, with nothing but my laptops and cameras, I got a flight to France.
Q. How do you think the Taliban rule will impact working women?
A. There are only a few working women in the country, as most of them left. They (the Taliban) do not want women to come back and work. They are saying it is not as per the rules of Islam, and they just said something like those who are artists should change their job. They said they will protect women activists and journalists and they can get back to work. But we need to see what they do. I do not believe them.
Q. You said that you want to raise your voice for your country. How do you plan to do it?
A. I want to raise my voice with my work. Of course, I am not going to sit quiet. I am watching what they (Taliban) are doing with my country.
Q. You clicked a lot of portraits from across the country. What is the idea behind it?
A. I love to know about the history of people. I think Afghan people have experienced a lot of pain. I like to capture their experiences and their faces. I wanted to organise an exhibition with the collection of portraits I have and tell their stories to the world. But I don’t think it’s possible now. I have also written the stories of these people and also helped raise money for them and their families.
Q. What was your favourite photo assignment?
A. Last year, I did an assignment for UNHCR which involved making documentaries. It was on Afghanistan refugees who were coming back from Pakistan and Iran. That was my favourite assignment because I was also a refugee. I totally understood how they were feeling and how they want to show their pain to the world. I thought that would be a good photo collection and documentary for Afghanistan as people would return after seeing it as there was no more war at that time. But today, I am a refugee and I am in the same situation that they were.